My Dear Discovery

Dear Discovery, It’s not you, it’s me. I am the one who has to leave for reasons not related to you. These are my issues and everything you have given me will forever be remembered and cherished – every…THING. I started out with you as an insecure, lonely, desperate, questioning ,and sad person who struggled […]

What Else Am I Supposed To Do?

My mother didn’t have an easy life. She had seven children in eleven years with three miscarriages, took care of my father who was riddled with heart disease all of my life, and worked full-time during a period in our history not many mothers were in the job force. She was an amazing woman who […]

This Relationship is a Struggle

I have a love/hate relationship. It’s one I had since I started getting allowance. It’s one that continues as I budget, pay bills, balance my purchases, look at my finances and sign on dotted lines of my credit card receipts. Yep, I have a love/hate relationship with money. I think it began when I could […]

Silent Loneliness

I never imagined the pained of the loneliness I am in. Even going into the second year, that has not subsided. The other parts – the longing for him, lack of intimacy, the making decisions of my own, the pit forming every time I see or hear couples doing things, the not being able to […]

The Eulogy

I’m not going to lie. It was a tough week. Getting through the first year mark, experiencing his favorite holiday without him and having my daughter here for a week then leave…a tough, tough week. BUT, one I did get through. Today is the last of the year mark. A year ago today was the […]

Happy Independence to Us All

Happy Independence Day! Peter loved the 4th. He dug the parades, the beer tent volunteering with me and bumping into people in our small town’s festivities. He adored sound and beauty of fireworks. Above all, he loved, LOVED, loved being together as a family. He held the excitement of a child on Christmas because the […]

The Day After

I pretended the outside world didn’t exist yesterday. My phone pinged with texts, phone calls and messages via Facebook. Most knew I wasn’t responding. All didn’t want a response. They were sending simple “I’m thinking of you today.” I had flowers delivered and put on my doorstep. Friends offered meals. And there were pictures of […]

On the Eve Of…

Tomorrow will be the one year mark of Peter’s death. I am writing this today because I fear tomorrow will be too painful to move, let alone write. So, as the first year without Peter closes, here is what I know. I would have not made it without my friends and some family who are […]

Weekend Nights Are Not Alright…for Anything

It started again. I don’t think it’ll ever go away. The explosion of loneliness ignited when the weekend comes. Even during COVID when days tend to blend together, loneliness hits me more on Friday and Saturday nights. The reason is obvious. Those were Peter and me nights. Even if we didn’t go anywhere, do anything, […]