On the Eve Of…

Tomorrow will be the one year mark of Peter’s death. I am writing this today because I fear tomorrow will be too painful to move, let alone write. So, as the first year without Peter closes, here is what I know. I would have not made it without my friends and some family who are […]

Weekend Nights Are Not Alright…for Anything

It started again. I don’t think it’ll ever go away. The explosion of loneliness ignited when the weekend comes. Even during COVID when days tend to blend together, loneliness hits me more on Friday and Saturday nights. The reason is obvious. Those were Peter and me nights. Even if we didn’t go anywhere, do anything, […]

Our House No Longer My Home

Today, I’m getting down and dirty….with my house. I am going to start to pack up and clean and pack up and clean some more. After spending two days last week ugly crying with the hiccups that follows such cries, I know I am done here. I am done with this house. From the beginning […]

Happy Father’s Day, Peter

And so another pain pokes at me at the start of this first Father’s Day weekend without. Every year, I celebrated Peter’s greatness as a father. He was kind, and fun, and gentle, and wise, and patient, and loving to his children. He gave to our kids what I couldn’t, and he stepped aside for […]

I Sobbed Yesterday

I sobbed yesterday. I sobbed because the house is emptied out, and because I felt empty. I sobbed because I don’t know how to live in the place we once called home. I sobbed because the house doesn’t feel like anything now but a building I sit in. I sobbed because I eventually, and I […]

More Lessons Learned, Alone

I went to my apartment Discovery for a few days. I preach safety and consideration in these days of COVID, and those are the reasons I came here. See, between the junk haulers coming last week, and the people in to repair the never-ending fix of my burst pipes pre-COVID, I had to let the […]

Releasing More of Him

Within an hour, Peter’s stuff will be leaving. My family has all kept some of his stuff, but the other, the whatchamacallits, the thingamajigs and the whatsits will all be gone. All of the doodads, all the broken down furniture, all the need-to-be-fixed equipment, all the materials for a a project never fulfilled, will be […]

Neighborly Love Around a Painful Bonfire

We sat around the bonfire, my neighbors and me, socially distancing on a cool Saturday night. There were some missing, for one reason or another, and others I hadn’t seen in a while. I came with Barkley as he seems to have become my accessory as of late, or a love to hold onto. I […]

Pages in a Murky Field

I want to improve. I want to be this badass who faces the world with my hands on my hips, my head thrown back and let’s out a laugh at the challenges in front of me. I want to take on the world with an energy of an overactive toddler. I want to get things […]

Eleven Months

So where do I start? Where do I begin to tell you how life these past eleven months without you have changed? There is the obvious of COVID19. Then of course there are protests and riots happenings and I miss you. I miss your calm during the chaos. I miss your logical during the nonsensical. […]