Letting Go of the Old Me

On a widow’s social media group, this question was posed – do you miss the person you were when your spouse was alive? Heavy question and one I contemplated all day yesterday. The easy and quick answer seems to be hell, yeah, I miss her. Obviously, if I was still that person, it would mean […]

Good Grief…Group

I started a grief support group last week. I wasn’t ready to start one right after Peter died. It would pain me to even mention his name, let alone share anything about him, me, us. I did what I thought was best for me – avoidance and being alone.During that time, I probably relied too […]

Trauma Didn’t Let Me Sleep Last Night

Trauma. I’ve always associated it with military veterans, citizens of war-torn countries, those living in high-crime area, abuse victims, and people who are around a lot of deaths like ER personnel. In my life, I always thought I couldn’t name this in me. I was a support staff person all my day job life, an […]

Visions on a Board

I finally got around to my vision board. I did one in 2019 and I wanted to do one in 2020. I don’t see it as magical. Not at all. I see it as my acknowledgement to the Universe about my focus in life, what I would like and need to accomplish. Like my vision […]

My Now Status in Life

I came across a dilemma the other day. Should I change my status to widow on Facebook? I know. I know. I don’t have to do anything, especially in Facebooklandia. And I don’t really want to attract trolls by changing my status, which seems to be a thing in Facebooklandia, or so other widows have […]

Last night….

Last night, I felt utterly and completely alone. See, nighttime is the loneliest for me. It’s when the world quiets, my memories grow louder in my head, and I ache for him. Silence is not only deafening, it strums out a song of longing in my being. Yesterday night, I sat in disbelief, still, after […]

My Dear Discovery

Dear Discovery, It’s not you, it’s me. I am the one who has to leave for reasons not related to you. These are my issues and everything you have given me will forever be remembered and cherished – every…THING. I started out with you as an insecure, lonely, desperate, questioning ,and sad person who struggled […]

What Else Am I Supposed To Do?

My mother didn’t have an easy life. She had seven children in eleven years with three miscarriages, took care of my father who was riddled with heart disease all of my life, and worked full-time during a period in our history not many mothers were in the job force. She was an amazing woman who […]

This Relationship is a Struggle

I have a love/hate relationship. It’s one I had since I started getting allowance. It’s one that continues as I budget, pay bills, balance my purchases, look at my finances and sign on dotted lines of my credit card receipts. Yep, I have a love/hate relationship with money. I think it began when I could […]