I Am Having a Horrible Grief Day, Today

I am having a horrible grief day today. I’m having a horrible grief day because it’s been 36 weeks since the police officer knocked on my front door; since I saw his lifeless body at the hospital; since our last time as a family, just the four of us, was in a morgue; since I […]

My House Is Not So Fine Anymore

I am achy today. It’s the third day of aches in my hands, my feet, my knees, all of my joints. Body aches come on when I am overwhelmed, and I am telling you, my house overwhelms me. It’s actually the first time my body aches have come on since Peter died because it’s the […]

Discovering More

Some Friday morning observations from Discovery: While I stay at Discovery, I am struggling with being alone. I am. It’s not something I have gotten used to yet.  I was at a bar yesterday doing research. Hand-to-God it was research. While there, I felt my loneliest. I saw the young people doing what they do, […]

In the Fog

I been on an upswing as of late. My dance with Grief has been smoother, swifter and I’ve been feeling okay, sometimes good. I know I’ll be dipped and dropped on the dance floor in my future by Grief.  It’s the way the dance goes. Yet, right now, I am feeling pretty okay and I’ll […]

Eight Months Ago, My Faith Changed

It’s eight months today. Eight months since a police officer knocked on my door, handed me a piece of paper and told me I needed to call this number. “It’s about your husband,” he said right before I shook his hand and thanked him. What the hell did I thank him for? Delivering the first […]

What Until I Tell Peter….

“What until I tell Peter…” Oh right. There is no Peter. “I have to remember to show Peter…” Can’t. Peter is dead. “Peter will really think this is…” Nope. He won’t think anything because he is gone. “I am so mad at our son and Peter has to…” Well, Peter doesn’t have to do anything […]